I originally picked this book up for two reasons – the recommendation of a friend, and a curiosity to learn more about Barack Obama’s White House. It’s sad in a way that the man in the relationship so often eclipses the accomplished woman, and I guess I opened this book with just that prejudice.
I assumed that whatever Michelle Obama had to say would necessarily be less interesting or useful than her husband. It turns out (and why should I be surprised since she is such an intelligent and accomplished woman!?) that Michelle Obama’s story is engaging and inspiring in its own right. She offers a narrative that is really less about White House politics and more about her own coming of age, tackling the same insecurities, doubts and fears that many young women do. Here are three themes from her book “Becoming” that I found inspiring:
Making the “impossible” possible
The young Michelle grew up in Chicago, going to a mediocre school but with parents who gave her the best possible opportunities and always encouraged her to excel. She decided, after visiting her older brother there, that she wanted to go to college at Princeton. She recounts the story of meeting with her high school counsellor, who told her she wasn’t really “Princeton material”.
Obama says, “My only thought, in the moment, was I’ll show you. But then I settled down and got back to work[…] Given my background, reaching was all I could really do. And ultimately, I guess I did show that college counsellor, because six or seven months later, a letter arrived […] offering me admission to Princeton”.
She has subsequently spent a large portion of her adult life trying to give back to her old community and inspire other girls to make the impossible possible in their own lives – just as her parents did for her – believing that education really is the way out of poverty. Despite the odds of her background, she went on to graduate Princeton, then Harvard Law School, finally becoming a lawyer at the firm where she later met her husband (she was his mentor!).
Humility and imposter syndrome
It never fails to amaze me how often highly accomplished women feel deficient. It’s easy to imagine that it’s different for them, but Obama’s humility allows you to see that all women, regardless of their intelligence or accomplishments, can feel “less than”. She describes in detail the difficulty of coming of age, always trying to demonstrate that you are ‘enough’: “I can admit now that I was driven not just by logic but by some kind of reflexive wish for other people’s approval… you keep achieving until you think you know the answer to all the questions – including the most important one. Am I good enough? Yes, in fact I am.”
In some ways Michelle’s imposter syndrome drove her forwards – forced her to keep achieving. It was the strong female role models in her life: her mother and then several women she met professionally who became mentors and role models, that prevented the imposter syndrome from ever keeping her back. It’s a reminder of how important senior females are in the workplace, crucial for releasing potential in the next generation of young women and showing them what is possible.
Living your values
Despite her accomplished career as a lawyer in the private sector, Obama’s real passion was always community work. She speaks frankly about the golden handcuffs and general fear of judgement from others that held her back for a long while from pursuing these goals: “The fundamental part about caring a lot about what others think [may be that] it can put you on the established path – my, isn’t that impressive, path – and keep you there for a long time”. It was her husband who finally gave her the courage to leave her job and move to work for the Chicago city government as Assistant to the Mayor and then, afterwards, a string of other positions in the community which could allow her to give back.
Despite her 8 year tenure as First Lady, she actually always disliked politics, not least as it interfered with her ability to give her girls a “normal” family life, which was always very important to her. However, she truly made the best of her time in the White House, and was determined that she would use her platform to make a difference in the world and encourage others to ‘Lean in’. She talks about coming into the position realising that she was expected to spend a large amount of her time planning parties and functions: “I knew what mattered to me. I didn’t want to be some sort of well-dressed ornament who showed up at parties and ribbon cuttings. I wanted to do things that were purposeful and lasting”.
Michelle Obama is truly an example of somebody who lives her values – who has found what matters to her and then found a way to express that in everything she does. Moving an inspiring, her story is a call-to-arms to all young women.
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